Christ is my redeemer, the drive behind my moral compass, he leads me down every road—the righteous road. My heart full of love, my body pure and untouched, my words clean, my body modest. I do all things because I believe in my Christian faith and I believe that my life has been planned out for me. I will meet the perfect man of God, one who will give me a family and a wholesome life. There is no room for anything less, no room for speed bumps or road blocks. Except for the one man who threw a wrench in my spinning tire. The one man who made me question my faith and what true faith really is. Ben Cooper—my very own sinner.
Each blow to the face feels glorious, I crave the pain of each punch from my back alley opponent. The high I get from each fight that I antagonize is the same high I get when I strum my guitar and hit the high notes in the microphone. That rush is just like the pain I feel with the blows I take. Violence is my decadence and music is my redemption. I love beautiful women, the taste of whiskey on my tongue, and the smell of tobacco on my breath. I’m a man with no morals and no plan to my madness. I’m a man with only the promise of the day I’m in. Until I find the most beautiful melody, dressed in full clothes and a cross around her neck. Sadie McCallister—my very own saint.
I’d like to thank CC Monroe for sending me a copy of her book in exchange for an honest review. I have never heard of this author before we made contact in a group we are both part of. The blurb and the fact this was her heart book discovering that just made me more eager to read it.
Sadie is a 19-year-old, I loved Sadie she was such a sweet innocent character but she was also very sassy and she had so much determination in her. I loved the fact we see her working so hard. She is also very deeply religious, she wants the fairytale ending for herself after seeing it with her parents. Although that is not what she gets.
Ben is a 22-year-old rockstar for a lead band named Roes. He grew up having a horrible childhood but adored his mother. He was dealt the crappiest hand known to mankind and harbours certain feelings from his past that makes him cope in very bad ways. Not one for love, he is known as the man-whore who screws almost anyone, does hardcore drugs and loves to fight to deal with his pain. Ben’s bandmates are his closest friends, and most of them try to lead him down the right path.
They first meet as Kate, Sadie’s Best friend, dragging her to a concert and Ben lays eyes on Sadie and invites them both backstage thinking Sadie is like the other woman he propositions her bluntly for sex. When she turns him down his bandmate finally tells him that she is very religious and it wasn’t an act. His reaction was one of my favourite things in this book. He then goes to her house and apologises and they begin to get to know each other. Ben also has a drug and drink problem and he has an IED diagnosis.
Sadie and Ben fall for each other very fast and within 3 weeks are married, although Ben has his demons and he struggles constantly. I do have to say I struggled after I finished this book. In this book, so many things happen that I have slated for in YA and NA and I was talking it over with my friend after I finished. She made the point the difference is in this book it isn’t made to seem like it’s acceptable. C.C. Monroe is a very good writer and it shows because she doesn’t reinforce the negative behaviour she condones it throughout this novel (if only more author did that).
Ben does and says some pretty shitty things to Sadie, he mocked her faith a few times through this book when he was drunk. He got very jealous and nearly attacked someone, he did get into a few fights, he had a very negative mindset and he didn’t believe he deserved to be loved. Sadie stays by his side even when Nick (Ben’s father figure and manager) tells her to leave. Although she doesn’t stand for it, she tries to make him get help. He never hits her but he says shitty things. It just makes him a wanker. Sadie finally had enough and went home when she caught Ben doing coke off a groupie and goes home. They manage to sort it out with Ben promising that he’ll get help and they go back on the road together. Ben goes through therapy and goes cold turkey on drugs and drink, and he keeps trying.Sadie finally has enough when he walks out on her when she tells him she is pregnant. Sadie keeping her promise stays by his side until the tour ends and having a divorce.
Nick finally manages to knock sense into Ben and he begins to carry on sorting himself out for her and the baby. We see in his pov where he gets driven around endlessly just so he doesn’t go to a bar to do drugs or drink, and see him going into meetings and tries to sort himself out and once he has he wants to make her fall in love with him all over again.
I do have to say although he manages to change, so many times I would have walked out when he did the shitty things to Sadie. She put up with so much shit and all because she loved him and her faith managed to keep her with him. The one thing I didn’t agree with when it came to Sadie was her giving up her internship (I can’t remember what it was called) to help him with recovery. I understand why she did it but I didn’t agree with her basically giving up her dream to help him deal with his demons and issues.
Ben and Sadie had lovely chemistry and when they were together it was so sweet, and the way he cared for her I loved. But also how she cared for him and looked after him. I fell in love with their relationship fast and although some dicey moments I was rooting for them all the way through. The sex was written very well in this book.
Kate, I loved Kate she was Sadie’s best friend and she was there when Sadie needed her and I loved that. I also loved that they could both have a joke about each other especially as Kate creates nicknames for her to do with her religion and Sadie takes it on the chin. They are both so different from each other and still manage to be there for each other. I love it!
Nick was Ben’s manager I think the correct word would be but he was also kind of a father figure to him too. He tried to keep him on the straight and narrow and whenever Sadie needed him he was there and they became really close and he was one of my favourite side characters ever. Especially how he just kind of adopts them and takes them under his wing.
Mike ugh I hated this idiot, he was Sadie’s sort of boyfriend at the start of the novel and he is the reason I really dislike religious people, the kind who aren’t meant to judge and then sit there judging you anyway. The stuff he says to Sadie when she tells him about her and Ben is so rude and disrespectful and honestly, he’s just an asshole and I didn’t like him.
I fell in love with this book and it’s story and it’s writing, C.C. Monroe definitely knows how to write a book that pulls at your heartstrings. When I finished this book so many emotions flooded me I loved this book and I felt conflicted about it too, but then I loved it again. I will definitely be reading more of this authors work because this book and the writing has me hooked! I really enjoyed this read, the story, the characters and everything.